Before you judge someone,Walk a mile in his shoes. (Eminem)
What will you do now that you know about judgments and how problematic they are.
AWARENESS: Increase your awareness while you are judging. Difficult but not impossible. Work on tuning into your thoughts when your emotions (specially anger, depression, frustration, bitterness, resentment- those that are painful). Thinking on the judgment that resulted in these painful emotions will give you the answer and make you aware. It will help you change your thinking so that you are in a better position to control your emotions and not the other way.
DON'T BE YOUR OWN JUDGE: Don't judge yourself. Keep repeating this to your self even though we are living in a judgmental society. If you are judging yourself for judging, you are heightening your emotions. This is the bottom line. Work on just noticing. Remind yourself that it is understandable.
DESCRIBE TO YOURSELF THE FACTS AND FEELINGS: The most difficult of the lot. Because you have to get out of the habit of using those labels which are judgmental, which in turn play on your painful emotions like anger, frustration, depression, resentment etc.
Remember - a judgment usually comes from an emotion. So identify this emotion that is making you to judge. Emotions are just feelings - not judgments.
Identify the feeling, work on describing this situation that is causing in a very systematic , factual and non judgmental manner.
REMOVE THE JUDGMENTAL LABEL AND REPLACE IT WITH WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN.
WATCH THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE AND BODY LANGUAGE: Your face is a book which people can easily read. This is a fact. Same about your body language. These say more than your words can ever do. This means that your words should match your body language and your tone.
CONSERVE YOUR ENERGY: Remember you do not know what the other person has gone through or is going through at the moment when he stoked your emotions. He might have had a fight with his wife, boss was not appreciative of his work etc etc.
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